see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
