Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
