im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
