You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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