so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
