if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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