I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You made out with two different species that night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
