She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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