dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
