i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
