I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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