I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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