this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
