What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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