So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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