Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
