Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you didnt know i had herpes?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
