he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
