I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
