I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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