I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
