I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Four minutes until I can fart!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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