I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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