If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
