i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
