Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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