I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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