just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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