I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
