I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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