Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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