I need to stop coming to work sober
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
