I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Randomize
