Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
