omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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