When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
