I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
