FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
