Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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