Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
