I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
