Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
