So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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