How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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