she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
