tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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