she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
being pregnant is like rehab
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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