Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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