I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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