so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i believe in u and ur pee
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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