All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is my gift to your gina
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
