I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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