she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
