If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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