Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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